On the Vicissitudes of Shitting Aboard

We have a manual head, which translated to English means "a toilet with a handle that needs to be pumped vigorously ten to fifteen times to ensure that the bowl's contents are safely pushed through a 12-foot long hose and into a waste tank." As a side note, I'd like to add that nautical terms aren't entirely whimsical; they can pack plenty of meaning, as you can gather from the preceding example.

Around the muscle-enlarging pump there are two valves: a flapper valve and a joker valve (I'm not sure those terms are exclusive to the marine world). The flapper valve opens on the up-stroke of the pump, and thus the bowl's contents, be they shit, piss, Lego™ pieces, or toilet paper, make their way into the pump. On the down-stroke, these Lego™ pieces and their friends are shoved through the joker valve. This valve is a piece of rubber that looks like a ping-pong ball that grew a bill (like a duck, not like the ubiquitous yet hard- to-earn money). The bill has a slit that, upon pressure exerted by the user through the pump, is violated open to allow Lego™ pieces through. The idea is that once anything goes through the joker valve, nothing comes back into the toilet.

The joker valve often gets tired and fails to keep its bill shut.

What happens then?

Yes, you imagine correctly: Lego™ pieces flow back into the bowl. To be fair and truthful, it's only liquid that makes it back to the bowl. Brown and odorous and pungent liquid. A pleasure to perceive while you're having breakfast less than 2 meters away from the head (remember, a boat's head is its bathroom).

The solution, of course, comes through a pleasurable few minutes of pump disassembly, water of questionable provenance dripping all over your hands, and careful inspection of parts that are mostly covered in brown, slimy goo. If a part looks like it might cause trouble, it needs to be replaced. We like to avoid trouble.

Natalia and I have reared two children, so we're no strangers to having Lego™ pieces slathered over our hands or some incredibly cute baby pee sprayed on our faces. We are not grossed out by our own bodily fluids. We deal with bad joker valves like we dealt with diapers: it has to be done and we do it with a smile on our faces. After all, we live on a boat. That makes us happy.